Soulmate Love Part 1

Your Momma never told you that if you are lucky...you will have an encounter with a soulmate during this lifetime.

Ladies...I believe there are two types of soulmates. One that fires you up and one that settles you down. Today I am going to talk about the one that fires you up.

When you meet a soulmate that fires you up...you will know it almost immediately. You will be drawn to this person for reasons you can not even put into words. It will not necessarily be his looks, his intellect, his sense of humor...no...it will be an external force that draws you to this person.

This type of soulmate will draw out and heightened characteristics in you that will be unfamiliar and overwhelming. For example, for me...I have always written poetry or journals on occasions...but with this experience...I became so inspired I wrote all day and all night....every free moment I had. Thoughts and ideas filled my brain at such a rapid pace I could not keep up. Some of my best and deepest writings came from this experience.


You will be consumed with every aspect of this person..the way he breathes, the way he talks, the way he walks, the things he says. You will experience passion in it's highest form...you will loose your ability to breathe and loose your ability to control your emotions. You will feel so alive and connected to all things. You will laugh harder than you have ever laughed before...you will cry from joy and from pain. It is an overwhelming fast paced experience and feeling that you know is unique and special...one that comes very rarely...maybe once in a lifetime....and you never want it to end.

But the most important thing that comes from a soulmate experience is that they are brought into your life to teach you a lesson about yourself. After the experience, you will be awakened to the parts of yourself that need to change and mature...and you will be forever changed. This type of soulmate fire experience is very intense and dies just as quickly as it begins. The intensity just can not be maintained for a long period of time. The passion alone will kill you both if sustained for too long.

Ladies...what did I learn from my soulmate experience? I learned that I had fears that were holding me back and driving poor decisions. I learned I had insecurites that were from long ago that needed healing. I learned I was talented and beautiful. I learned about my character, my beliefs, and integrity...and I made dramatic changes in my life and how I interact as a woman and human being in this world.

Ladies...you have to be very aware to know if you are experiencing this type of person in your life. I believe everyone should experience this type of soulmate...it is life altering. If you ever get to experience this type of soulmate love....treasure the experience, enjoy it, and learn from it.

Till Next Time Ladies

Bring Your Sexy Back

Your Momma never told you to bring your sexy back.

Ladies...summer is here. The time has come to show some skin and bring your sexy back. Here are six sure fire ways bring your sexy back and spark up your relationship with your man....and if you don't have a man...don't worry...when you exude a sexiness...men will come running.

1. Wear matching colorful or stylish bras and panties every day. Now ladies...I know we can get lazy and just put on any bra and panty bottom but that is not sexy. Buy and wear animal prints, lace accented, or colorful bra and panty sets every day...you will feel sexy in minutes. Even though no one may know what you have on under your clothes...you will feel and exude sexiness.

2. Show your cleavage. Ladies...I am not talking about being vulgar or slutty...but lift up those puppies and let them be seen. There is nothing wrong with showing off your assets...just don't put tattoos on them.

3. Book a room at a Spa Resort. Ladies...keep that spark going by surprising your man with a romantic overnight visit to a local spa resort. Swim in the pool or get in the jacuzzi and relax. Take in a mud bath or couple massage and then enjoy your man. If you don't have a man...go to the spa and get a special facial treatment or massage just for you and feel the sexiness rush back.

4. Buy a new dress that emphasizes your curves and go to the local bar with your girlfriends for happy hour. Ladies...watch the free drinks and compliments come your "sexy" way.

5. Wear platforms or stilettos and show off your legs. Ladies there is nothing more sexy that a confident woman strutting in high heels.

6. Buy a new bathing suit. Ladies...go to out and try on as many bathing suits as you need to...and find that special one that looks great on you. Bathing suits are the one thing that I do not concern myself with price....it is all about what looks best on me. Spandex, lycra, miracle suits...whatever is needed...don't care about the costs...just put it on and go to the pool feeling good.

Ok ladies...it is time to bring your sexy back...just in time for summer.

Till Next Time Ladies.

Life without Parole

Your Momma never told you...marriage is not a prison sentence....life without parole.

Ladies....truth be told women generally get married for the fairytale. They want the loving husband, the house, the 2.5 kids, the dog,...the dream. In their minds, they have a picture of The Cosby's...who they forget are people that do not even exist. Unfortunately...sometimes that fairytale does not come true...and when reality hits...and the marriage becomes dysfunctional or even dangerous...they hold on to the dream and suffer the consequences.

Ladies...I was one of these women. I believed I my vows...you stay in the marriage for better or for worse...and you just live with whatever comes your way. The truth is...I was very naive and immature. I did not understand just what I was getting into. I did not understand what I was committing to. I did not know the person I was committing to...so I felt it was my fault...I should have known better.

No matter how bad the relationship had deteriorated, I told myself to just stay and suffer year after year after year. Over time I realized I viewed my marriage as a prison sentence...life without parole. I had come to a point that I had just accepted that I had made a bad choice...and needed to endure the punishment until I died or he did.

Ladies....this type of thought process is no way to live your life. If your marriage feels like a prison sentence...get help. Go to marital counseling and rehabilitate your marriage. Make it better...deal with the problems...and grow together. Go to personal counseling and rehabilitate yourself...don't accept sadness or depression as a way of life. Or ladies.. go out the door and start over..but whatever you do...don't accept a sentence of life without parole.....afterall....you did not kill anyone...you just got married.

Till Next Time Ladies.

If You are Going Through Hell ....Keep Going

Your Momma never told you...if you are going through hell....keep going.

Years ago, when I realized my marriage was in deep trouble...I went to my then husband and suggested a separation. His response was I could leave but the girls were his...and they were staying. My response was to sit in a place of fear and anquish...for several more months. During this period, our marriage became even more volatile, disturbing, and unhealthy.

I remember feeling completely scared and frightened that my children were going to be taken away. I had no job, no money, no health insurance, and no plan. I was hopeless and full of despair. I remember walking the sidewalks in our community upset and feeling shattered inside. I cried and cried and cried...until one day a voice within said..."What on earth are you afraid of...you will be taken care of...you have nothing to fear."

It was then I began to put one foot in front of the other and begin the process of moving on. I went for personal counseling...I hired a lawyer...I built a support system...I found a job...I moved...I read and studied on bettering myself and my children. I got a divorce. Ladies...my divorce was painful, difficult, sad, frustrating, challenging, and hateful. The whole experience was indeed a form of hell.

My point ladies...if you are going through an illness, relationship issues, divorce, marital strife, family problems, financial issues...and it seems you are in the midst of hell...do not sit in it....pass through it.

Move...keep moving....keep going....work your way out of hell as fast as you can...because when it is over...and you see a light at the end of the tunnel...and know when you get to the light..there will be peace.

Till Next Time Ladies

SAY NO and Let the Chips Fall!

Your Momma never told you...say NO and let the chips fall.

When I was growing up, somewhere I got the message that saying NO was something you just should not do. When my parents asked me to do something, I was expected to do it. Saying NO was met with a evil glare, punishment, or a spanking. I learned pretty quickly that saying NO was just not an option.

This message carried over into my adult life. I always found it hard to tell people NO. I just did not want to rock the boat. Maybe subconsciously I thought the NO would be met with some form of punishment or the person would not like me any more. I don't know...but I started to realize I was doing a lot of things I did not want to do.

When I was married, my then husband's family went to the graveyard every morning on Christmas to visit a relative's grave. I found this odd and hated to go...especially since it was my birthday...and my mother had died. It was just a morbid thing to do...but of course...I did not say NO. I was afraid he would get mad...or maybe I would be perceived as selfish or his family would not like me....so I went for the first few years.

Every year I would suggest we stay home and build our own traditions, but my then husband and his family would put the pressure on...and I would cave in like a jellyfish. I would even suggest going on Xmas eve but to no avail.

The year my second child was born I decided I was no longer going to participate in the graveyard tradition. I announced to my then husband NO we are not going this year. My then husband was furious...and gave me a verbal lashing...but I stood my ground. It was the first time I truly stood up in our marriage for something I just simply did not want to do...or enjoy....and I did not think it was healthy for the girls. My then husband went on with his family to the graveyard...while the girls and I stayed in for the morning. I wish I could say my ex stayed home and we developed a new tradition for our family...but that did not happen...and that is not the point.

My point...ladies...if you are participating in something you don't want to do...say NO and stop doing it. Take note of when you agree to do something and then later feel resentment that you have to follow through. Remember you always have the choice to say NO.

Make decisions based on what is good for you and your well being....and not out fear of other people's reactions.

Till Next Time Ladies

It's Ok to Take Drugs

Your Momma never told you...it's ok to take drugs.

My sister had both of her children naturally. She even played cards with friends until she dialated about 8 centimeters. She was a true warrior....so when it came my turn to give birth...of course I had planned to go natural as well. She told me it would hurt but I would live through it...I had to be mentally tough.

With my first child, I had a planned C-Section due to placenta previa...a dangerous condition that can cause death during delivery....I made an appointment...like at the hairdressers....went in...got drugged..and out came J. J. (nickname). I did not have any contractions. I did not feel a thing. It was quiet and peaceful.

With my second child, I did not have any physical problems. I was told that I could have another C-Section or a natural birth. I was excited at having the option to go natural. One night...I felt a sharp pain shoot through my pelvis and it increased moment to moment...until it peaked and then it slowly subsided.

My first thought was..."Uh Oh! Is this what women go through for hours and hours?" I can only describe the pains that occurred thereafter as a knife being dug in my back ...twisted, twisted, twisted, and then being pulled out....and then the knife was put back in again...twisted, twisted, and twisted...and then pulled back out.....over and over and over.

After about an hour of the contractions, I told my then husband..."I am ready to go to the hospital. I am going to need drugs." My then husband gave me the old toughen up speech...real women don't take drugs speech...and it when in one ear and out the other...down the street and around the corner. He told me to drink apple juice and I would be fine. I looked at him like he had three heads. Did he actually think he could speak on the subject of contractions?

Anyway, we get to the hospital and I was put in a private room. I could hear the woman across the hall screaming for drugs...she was out of her head with pain. It was awful. A man walked by and said..."Thank God for women." Then a nurse came in my room shaking her head. She must have saw the frightened look on my face because she started talking..."I told her to take the epidural...now it's too late." She asked me did I need anything...I said.."I want an anesthesiologist, I am ready for my C-section." Ladies...I just did not see the point of going through all of that pain...when I could be drugged, deliver the baby, and be asleep within an hour.

My point ladies...everyone's pain threshold is different. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Don't let anyone tell you what choices you make when delivering your child. If you can go natural, do it...if you need drugs...take them. The real test of womanhood comes after the baby is born...that's when the real work begins.

Till Next Time Ladies.

I'll Be Back

Your Momma did not tell you, I will never go away...I'll be back.

My mother died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 20 years old. Over the years I have missed not being able to go to her about dating, career choices, marriage, children, divorce...etc. I had felt I had missed out on all of the life lessons she would have taught me during my adult years....then along came the birth of my second daughter, Moo Moo (nickname).

When I gave birth to Moo Moo...the doctor pulled her out and held her in the air for me to see. The first thing I said was..."OMG it's my mother."
Moo Moo is the spitting image of my mother.

The first thing Moo Moo did when she born, was scream bloody murder. I later came to realize she was pissed she was pulled out of my stomach early and did not get to do it herself. (I had a C-section) Moo Moo is strong willed, wise beyond her years, and very intuitive....and very much like my mother.

When Moo Moo was about three she began to talk about her grandmother/my mother all the time. She would talk about her like she knew her...tell me how my mother was doing and how she was feeling on a particular day...it got so bad I took her to the doctor. I swore she was talking to my mother's ghost. He told me just to let her continue talking to Grandma and she would grow out of it eventually. He said he did not know if Grandma was there or not...that children sometimes have connections with dead people or she could just be making it up....I chose to believe she really had a connection....and listened intently when Moo Moo would mention her. I even tried to see my mother when Moo Moo would say she was talking to her...but honestly...I did not see a thing.

Moo Moo has been the most challenging child to raise and she has shown me the best and worst of myself. She has taught me so many life lessons about patience, self control, honesty, integrity, confidence, and understanding my emotions. Moo Moo always points out my flaws...if I promise something and do not keep my word, if I am too busy to play, if I interrupt her sentence, if I am not listening...and she helps me to change, grow, and become a better person every way.

With the passing of every day, Moo Moo looks more and more like my mother. She does not talk about her anymore but I know she is carrying my mother's spirit within her. My point ladies...when someone passes on...in my case, my mother...realize he/she never truly leaves. Look for his or her spirit in your children. Listen for the messages that are delivered from those who have passed in the actions and words of your children. Continue to learn the life lessons ...and let the legacy live on.

Till next time ladies.

Pears don't wear Pencil Skirts

Your Momma never told you...know your body shape and dress accordingly.

Ladies...there are five different body types....apple, full bust, hourglass, pear, and straight. It is important to know your body type to keep from making major fashion mistakes and the victim of unusual stares and glares.

I was walking down St Paul Street the other day saw two fashion disasters. The first was an apple that had squeezed her roundness into a pair of skinny leg jeans....NOOOOOOO! I wanted to scream. The sight drew lots of stares and whistles but not in a good way. I wanted to throw a blanket on her and push her in the lobby of the Tremont hotel. She just should not have been on the streets with that on. The next was a pear that was wearing a tight mini skirt..that was lower in the front and rising steadily in the back...due to her wide hips. Ladies...skirts will rise in the back if you are not wearing the right style for you....an the sight ain't pretty.

I happened to be a pear and there are several things I just do not wear because of my shape. For example, pencil skirts. A pencil skirt on me makes me resemble the capital letter P. A pencil skirt highlights my extremely round, plump,high ass...therefore pencil skirts attract the wrong type of attention from the wrong type of man. And don't get me started on low rise jeans....those are for "straights" only...they look obscene on me.

Something I can wear...A line dresses....slim on top and flared on the bottom. A line dresses are made to leave it to the imagination how big my ass is. I don't need everyone to know I have a wide ass....that is my business....and of course...my man's.

Ladies....take the time to know your body shape...know what looks best on you...and step out with style. Check out Nordstrom's or Macy's websites that organize clothing by the five different styles...a great resource.

Till next time ladies.

Men are Like Rubberbands

Your Momma never told you that men are like rubberbands...they always come back into your life.

Ladies...you may be without a man for periods in your life...but have no fear....a man from your past will reappear like magic. You may have dated him in high school or in college...you may have met him at work or on a trip...you may not have talked to him in years but just when you thought you would never hear from him again...he will snap back like a rubberband.

I met a man on a trip to Ohio. He was cute little thing so we went out a couple of times while I was in town. We really clicked but it never went anywhere because I do not do long distance...it is just a waste of time for me because I like attention. He was a great person but he was in school and had no intention of moving closer to Maryland. We said our goodbyes and chalked it up to bad timing....or maybe bad locations.

Many years later, I got a call out of the clear blue. He had moved to the area and wanted to go out. He had finished law school and had obtained a job in DC. At the time, I was married with two babies...needless to say...that was out of the question...but my point ladies... men always reappear in our lives....and at that time they may be better than ever.

Ladies...don't worry about being alone...that man you gave up on or who did not work out in the past...may be your knight in shining armor years later...you just never know. Just remember to keep an open mind and never change your phone number.

Till next time ladies....

The Not Compatible Line

Your Momma never told you...there is a way to break up with a man without hurting his feelings...just drop the line...we are not compatible.

Ladies...I was dating a man for a few weeks when I realize...that it was going nowhere. The guy was nice and friendly but something just was not right. I just did not see a future with this person. Some things about him just got on my nerves. The way he walked, talked, sang, smiled...it just did not turn me on.

When it came time to tell him I did not want to see him anymore...I was dreading the conversation/questioning. Was it his constant singing? His annoying laugh? His goofy grin? Whatever it was...I did not want to discuss it and I certainly did not want to hurt his feelings. I just wanted to stop dating. So I dropped the line.."Jason...we are just not compatible."

When I dropped the line on him, he looked confused. "Not compatible...what does that mean"...he asked. It really was not anyone's fault...nothing he needed to change or stop doing. Our personal styles were not in agreement and we just were not compatible. He began to ask for specifics but I refused to get into the discussion. What did it matter anyway? What I didn't like...some other woman might? I just did not want to waste this man's time or money. That just would not be right.

Ladies...if you are dating a nice guy but it is going nowhere...and you just don't know how to break it off...drop the line....we are just not compatible. No need to hurt feelings...don't get into specifics...make a clean break leaving everyone's ego intact...and move on.

Till next time ladies.

Beware of the Pot Belly Husband

Your Momma never told you that the fine slim man you married...would grow a pot belly within a few years.

That's right ladies...we are always hearing how we need to keep it together, loose the weight after having a baby, and age gracefully...but what about the men. We never hear much about them. Are they aging gracefully? I am not so sure.

My neighbor invited the girls and I over for a play date. My neighbor was an attractive slim woman. She had two children under the age of 4 at the time. She spent most of the time being a stay at home mom and a part time nurse. Her husband was fairly attractive except for the fact that he had a huge pot belly.

We got to talking about a number of things and somehow the conversation turned to her husband. She said...let me show you a picture of my husband when we first got married. She pulled out a picture of her along side a slim trim stunning fine man that I did not recognize...it was her husband. I stared at the picture...shocked at the dramatic expansion of her husband. In a matter of a few years, this man went from no pot to a huge pot belly. I stumbled to find the right words..."He looks...different here" I stuttered. She finished my thought. He has gained so much weight I just don't know what to do.

I asked what had happened...and she told me that after they got married...he began to eat and sit on the couch. She said she had tried everything. Asked him to go for walks, fixed balance meals, hid or throughout all of the snacks...but it did not matter....he kept filling his pot belly....and it kept growing. He had got married and just let himself go. What was she to do?

Ladies... At first sign of a pot belly growing on your man, you need to speak up. Don't let your man let himself go after marriage. Do an immediate intervention. Tell your man you don't like pot bellies. You love him slim and trim. Do your part to encourage exercise by increasing the sexual activity, going for power walks, and encouraging weight training. Tell your man to participate in a sport with his friends. Put up full length mirrors in the home. Hang up old photos as reminders of being slim and trim...and here is the hard part ladies...you can't have a pot belly either. You belly needs to be flat in order for the intervention to be taken seriously.

Till next time ladies.

Over 40's Diet Plus

My Momma never told me that after you turn 40 things start to go downhill...and you will gain weight no matter what you eat.

After turning 40, I gained an automatic 10 lbs overnite. I immediately went to my doctor because I was certain I had a stomach tumor. I had all of the symptoms...bloating, loss of energy, tight pants...The doctor took one look at my chart and said "Oh...you just turned 40." She closed the chart and began to give me a verbal download of what I was going to have to do to loose the weight and keep it off.

You have to retrain your tastebuds to love bland foods. You have to give up all the things you have loved for 40 years...ice cream, cheese, dairy, french fries, fast food, pizza, salt, and dessert. You must exercise every day for the rest of your life. You must bike 20 - 30 miles once a week. Start Zumba classes and go to the YMCA and swim laps. You must drink water morning, noon, and night. You can no longer have alcohol or a mixed drink of any kind because of the calories....not to mention you will not be able to drink anyway because the effects will increase and you will have a hangover.

Well after I left the dr. office, I went to McDonalds and ordered my last Fish Filet meal...then I went to Coldstone's for my last cup of ice cream with M&M's...and then I came home and finished off a bottle of wine.(I can't say it was my last.) Of course, wouldn't you know...I got sick....very sick. Ladies...the doc was right. If you are turning 40, watch out....get prepared. Enjoy 39.

For me...I guess I have to accept...my over forty status and start to love dried cranberries and oatmeal...

Till Next Time Ladies

Ms. Tia 4/26/10

My Daughter and Me Vacation

Your Momma never told you when you have more than one child...you are going to have to make a special bond with each child.

After the birth of my second daughter, I realized I needed to make a special time to spend with each of them. Each one would come to me and say they wanted to go somewhere just with me. As a divorced mother of two, I found it very hard to find the time and the help to be able to spend time alone with each child. We pretty much traveled as a pack at all times.

I spoke with a woman at my church about the issue and she suggested going on vacation individually with each child. So, every year, I plan an overnight trip to a hotel with each child individually. We go to dinner, swimming in the pool, siteseeing, and shopping for an outfit or toy. We don't even go far...we go to different cities within the state. This year's spot is Annapolis.

My daughters love the it. They look forward to a mini trip every year. It is during these times I find my daughter tells me what is on her mind and our bond becomes stronger. She gets me all to herself and have her all to myself. It is truly a unique moment.

Ladies...whether you have one child or more...take the time to spend one on one special quality time with him/her. Let your child see who you are without all the hussle and bussle of daily life. Have fun and enjoy the special time.


Till Next Time Ladies

The Prince and 20 Frogs

Your Momma never told you that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

Ladies...I was watching the Bachelorette last night. A girl named Ali has been dating 20 men at one time all in the quest to find her prince charming. Ali...apparently loves kissing...she gets right to it with these men...and if they do not have the goods...if she gets the wrong vibe...they are out of there.

In the pool of men, she has some that are arrogant, some that are too shy, some that are wimps, some that are mentally off, some that have their own agendas, some that have secrets, and one or two...that are princes. Sounds familiar...too familiar.

Though the show is a somewhat staged I realized she was doing what we all have to do to find a man...but in a very condensed period of time. We all have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince....there is no way to get around it.

So my advice ladies...do an "Ali". Go out and date as many men as you can and do it quickly. Pick a wide variety of frogs...don't stick to one time. Sort through all the frogs as quickly as possible. If you get the wrong vibe...or pick up on some odd behavior...send them home...just like Ali. Don't wait until they may change or don't justify the weird feelings....if the vibe isn't right or the kiss does not blow you away...just move on to the next one and before you know it...you will find a prince.

Till next time ladies...

Don't Give Your Cookies to a Monster

Your Momma never told you...don't give your cookies to a monster.

Ladies...as I have said before....some of these men out here are completely crazy. You have to be aware that they are out there and in disguise...therefore take your time when developing a relationship.

Take about six to twelve months to question, investigate, and meet friends and family...with intent on determining if your man is crazy. Once you give your cookies away to a monster...you will loose control of your jar...and next thing you know all of your cookies will be broken, crumbled, spit out, or gobbled up.

What are your cookies? Your body, your mind, your money, and your spirit. Ladies when you give your cookies to a monster....he will use you for your body, manipulate your mind, take your money, and break your spirit so quickly your head will spin. If you lucky, you will be able to recover from the dizziness, gather the crumbs, and move on. If not, you will never bake again....because you will have no ingredients.

Take your time ladies...think of dating as a fact finding mission...sure he is sexy...but can he count to ten. In other words, does he think logically? Does two plus two equal four in his mind?

Once you determine the man is sane, feel free to let him have access to your cookies...but ladies...always keep control of the jar.

Till Next Time Ladies

Go to the MAC

Your Momma never told you to have to learn how to apply make up and what make up to wear...so go to the MAC counter and learn.

Ladies...don't wing your makeup...especially as you get older. I have seen some poor attempts at makeup application all over the city. Many women attempt to achieve a smoky eye and end up with a black eye. Some women attempt to have rosy cheeks and a girlish glow...and it turns into clown cheeks and a curly fro. So ladies...my suggestion...go to the MAC counter and learn a few things.

Chances are in your twenties...you may not even need make up...you may be able to get by with lip gloss and a smile ..but as you age ladies...you need to start to get educated on how to apply makeup.

Every season I go with a friend to the MAC store at our local mall and get fresh makeup suggestions and learn techniques on what to wear and what to use to conceal problem areas. The information you can get at the MAC store is invaluable ladies...the make up artist..at least in my area...will take the time to determine what colors and products look best on you and how to apply them. And can I say a few things about make up artists...they are just that...artist...they can create a beautiful picture on a plain canvas...these are skills ladies...that we are just not born with...you have to learn.

It is also important to invest in a good set of makeup brushes so that your skin will appear flawless to men. Men will love your "natural" glow and sparkling eyes. And let's not forget the lips. MAC has some of the best gloss in the world. And remember if you are trying to attract and keep a man...you need to sparkle and your lips need to shine every day. So go to the MAC ladies and make a day of it.

Till next time ladies

Why are YOU so tired?!

Your Momma never told you that you will have to be a wife, a mother, a cook, a cleaner, a houskeeper, a decorator, and have a career...so hire help.

I am an avid people watcher. I love to go the mall...shop of course...sit down for lunch...and people watch. The last time I was people watching, I noticed a woman and her husband walking with three children. The woman, poor thing, looked absolutely exhausted. Her hair was graying on the edges and pulled back into a sloppy ponytail...her clothes were not ironed and worn, she looked like she had not had a good night's sleep in years....she just looked unhealthy...her kids and husband however...appeared to not have a care in the world. Her kids were well dressed, had fresh haircuts and were laughing up a storm at the jokes her husband was telling...but you know who was not laughing...HER.

My point ladies...don't let life pull you into a fit of exhaustion. Your children are expecting you to be here for their wedding and the birth of their children. How can you do that if you are already wearing yourself out? You may be in a situation were you have children that may not leave the house for another 15 years. You need to save your energy and take care of yourself. So what do you...accept you can't do it all or truth be told...you just don't want to... and hire help.

Hire a housekeeper. At a minimum once a month to help with the upkeep of your home. You may think you can not afford it but do the research. You can hire help for the cost of one Coach bag....and ladies..I know you have a Coach bag.

Hire a personal chef. This is a real treat. Hire someone to prepare meals for you. It does not have to be every week but you need a break throughout the year. Hire someone to help with a cookout or dinner party. Hire someone to prepare a week's meal...and let the cook...you...go on vacation.

http://personalchefsearch.com/

Hire carpet cleaners. I get my carpets done on a regular basis because I just like carpets to look fresh. Someone suggested I go to home depot and get one of the rental carpet cleaners. I said for what...so I can break my back carrying that thing up flights of stairs...spash water all over the place, make a mess, and break a nail. I don't think so...leave it to the professionals.

Hire someone to cut the lawn. Ladies...this is quality time that you could be spending doing something you love...or with someone you love...your man. If you have been doing this on your own. STOP. If you have a man who has been doing it...remember men are selfish...if you hire help for you...he will want you to hire help for him. If you hire help...you will both be satisfied.

Take your clothes to be laundered. News flash ladies...everything that goes to the laundry does not have to say DRY CLEAN ONLY. Send what you want to get cleaned. Save time washing and hanging and ironing your dresses or his pants. Send them all to the cleaners and take a nap.

Til Next Time Ladies

LIFT

Your Momma never told you...as you get older...lift it all up.

Ladies...as we get older ladies...things start to sag. Your skin begins to sag. Your breast begin to sag. You begin to shrink in stature. Let's face it...gravity takes its toll. So what do we do ladies...we lift everything up and defy gravity.

All we need to do is follow these basic steps.

1. Prevention and maintenance. Ladies...as we get older...you must use a moisturizer and sun screen every day...twice a day. Take the time to try out different products and determine which ones work well with your skin. Take a trip to Sephora or Nordstroms and speak to the salesperson about your skin and get recommendations. Facials are a must...schedule one at a minimum every quarter. Facials also help to lift your skin and prevent sagging.

2. Wear heels. Now ladies...many people say this is bad for the feet but I don't care. I will be wearing heels in my coffin...I will wear heels at 90 even if I have to use a cane. But that is me...Platforms are a nice alternative to heels. Platforms will lift you up without damaging the arch of your foot. Heels also help your maintain posture...and we never want to appear to be hunched over. DO NOT WEAR FLATS unless you are going to do a long walk, or you are in your home. The shorter you get...the older you look.

3.Visit a Dermatologist. Ladies, begin to visit a dermatologist at least once a year to get information on how your skin is changing and what to do. Your skin texture, moles, minor rashes, and wrinkles will begin to appear. A dermatologists can give you medical advice and products that can lift those wrinkles and decrease the sagging.

4. Find a great bra that works for you. A good bra must lift your breast high and maintain support throughout the day. Do not let your breast sag or look sloppy...unless you are taking a shower. Sloppy saggy breasts can age you 10 to 20 years. Don't go there ladies....lift them up.

Till next time ladies.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T at Work

Your Momma never told you...you will have to command respect.

As a African Amercian woman at work...I am always dealing with some form of ignorance. For example, this is the time of the year for the old "tan match" to occur...you know when some members of a certain group...tries to match a tanned arm to my skin...and then the cringe worth statement comes.."I am almost as dark as you."

I have experienced this form of ignorance in the corporate sector for over 20 summers and I have used the following tactics to deal with the ignorance.... Ignore it, laugh it off, hide in my office for the summer or get angry and start to recount the history of slavery.

Ladies...though these tactics are temporary fixes to deal with the emotions I was feeling...none of the tactics have been successful.

Recently I had a director at work disrespect me again at work....by saying inappropriate statements in jest. It finally dawned on me. I have never had a problem confronting my peers regarding ignorance but high level managers were a different story. I normally used the ignore it tactic with them. But in this case...I realized...I deserve the same respect as anyone in this office regardless of what position I hold therefore, I will confront this behavior.

I decided to not get angry but really feel the real emotion....which was pain and hurt and disrespect. The statement which was "I was pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside" ...came out of nowhere and was completely uncalled for. But ladies...what upset me more than the statement was the lack of respect for me as a human to actually have the nerve to say that out loud to a peer. At least have the decency to say something like that behind my back.Where was the respect? There was none ladies...and that had to change.

So I went into work the following day and approached the director about her behavior. I expressed how disappointed and hurt I was by the inappropriate comment and asked her what triggered such a hurtful insensitive mean statement. Her response was complete embarrassment and run on apology. She said she did not mean it and it was a poor attempt at sarcasm. She continued her apology for several minutes. I closed the meeting by sincerely expressing the hurt she caused and how I deserve respect as a human being and for all the excellent work I produce for our department.

Ladies...I don't know if she got it or not...but my point is...ignoring, hiding, or getting angry about someone's poor behavior does not work. You have to educate people on how their words and behaviors truly effect you. No matter how good you are at work...sadly, there are still some people you have to demand respect from. Educate them on their poor behaviors...don't take it...and move on. So this year...let the tanning begin...I am ready to respond.

Till Next Time Ladies.

Hairdo Fashion - Repost

Your Momma Never Told You to put on your makeup and get dressed as if you have somewhere to go when going to the hairdresser...you will get the results you are looking for.

Have you ever taken a moment to look at the other women sitting at the hairdresser? Most of them come in the door in sweatpants and t-shirts. I guess the thought is that they want to be comfortable but they are sending a secret message to the hairdresser to take your time....I have no where to go, so take your time....WRONG!

When I go to the hairdresser,every two weeks at 6:30 am (ok...I am an early bird) I get fully dressed and apply make up as if I have a hot date or a job to go to. The hidden message(s) I send to my hairdresser is:

1. Take special care not to get anything on my clothes
2. Do your best because I am about to be seen by others (potential clients)
3. I have somewhere important to go
4. And most importantly...hurry up! I don't have time to wait.

Many women waste a good hairdo by leaving the hairdresser....dressed like they just came from the gym...then they go home take a shower...watch the curls fall...and then try to pull it together to go out later that evening. Ladies you have just wasted precious "prance time".

The moment you get your hair done...you should take full advantage of your fresh hair by being seen immediately. If you are ready to go, dressed with your make up applied, you can leave the hairdresser and immediately go attract a man. Make a date, go to the mall, go for brunch...do something. Remember men like things that sparkle...that includes your hair. Go to a public place...and walk/prance around....be seen and soak up the compliments.

It will do wonders for your social calendar and your ego!

Til next time ladies!

Detox off Your Man

Your Momma never told you, you would get in a bad relationship with a man...so bad you will need to detox.

Ladies...have you ever been with a man that you knew deep down inside was completely wrong for you...but you just could not let him go. I was...and I had to go to drastic measures to cut him loose.

I met this man long ago and fell madly in love with him. The problem...he loved me, Sheila, Tammy, and Jennine as well. When I think back on it...I think I was completely obsessed with this person. I adored him. He made me laugh...you know those hard belly laughs that you never forget. When he was with me he made me feel like the only woman in the world.

One evening we had gone away for the weekend to a small town in Virginia. After a wonderful dinner, we went to bed. At 3:00 am, there was a phone call from the lobby announcing there was a hysterical woman in the lobby. My man (and I say that with a laugh) hopped out of bed and bolted to the lobby. Ladies...this was a scene I had become too familiar with...some woman appearing from nowhere...crying and upset. I went to the lobby and watch this woman...cry and yell "WHY!!!!!WHY!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!"...and that's when I knew...I have to detox.

Now ladies...detoxing isn't easy but sometimes...you have to quit a man...go cold turkey....and suffer the physical and emotional symptoms. Here are the steps.

1. Immediately leave the scene and announce you will never return.

2. Vanish...remove yourself from this person's life. You may need to break mutual friendships, change your phone number, change your job, get off of Facebook. This will be hard because this person has a hold on you...but fight it with all your might!!!!!

3. Destroy all memories..photos, tickets, gifts, delete his phone numbers...discard any music that brings up memories. You will want to save just one picture...don't. Would you keep one more vile of crack cocaine if you were an addict?...Exactly...let it all go.

4. Invest in a great pair of sunglasses and then cry, cry, cry....feel the pain. (no more than 48 hours total)

5. Go out of town and visit a friend or take a trip. You must remove yourself from the situation and location immediately.

6. Avoid all locations where you may run into this person. Chances are you have structured your life around this person. You will need to start fresh and meet new friends and find new places to hang out.

7. Never see or talk to this person again. This may seem harsh but when you get to a point where you are accepting complete disrespect...you need to get this person out of your life completely. Stay away because they have some power over you that you can not control. Ignore all of his attempts to contact you.

8. Focus on something you love to do...shopping, traveling....move on.

Till Next Time Ladies

Marriage is a Financial Agreement

Your Momma never told you marriage is a financial agreement......so think long and hard about joint purchases.

Ladies...I used to think people stayed married mainly because they were in love....but the truth is...they stayed married because of the house,the car, and the credit cards...in short...they were financial chained to their man.

Ladies....marriage is a financial agreement....it is not a love agreement. Oh we say we will love each other till the end of time but the truth is...we may not. But what each person does get from a marriage...is a financial entitlement to each other's money from the moment you say I DO. I am talking about the 401 K, investments and savings.

After several years of marriage, you are financial linked to this person in ways you can not imagine. Put simply, you come to a point where you can't afford to leave because it would be financial suicide. And ladies...when I tell you divorce is expensive...I mean it is sell your all your jewelry, cash out your 401 K, borrow from your parents...expensive. Court costs, mediation, lawyer's fees, psychiatry fees...the list goes on and on. And let's not talk about dividing the house, the cars, the furniture, the savings, the investments,...etc.

Now if you are married to a true life partner and you are in agreement how to spend the money....marriage can be a benefit. Congratulations. But if you are in a marriage with a someone who loves to spend money...especially on themselves...you are in trouble. You will be up all night running calculations, preparing for yard sales, plucking gray hairs, and robbing Peter to pay Paul.

So...here are some tips.

1. Have financial meetings once a month with your man. Review all of the bills, investments, 401 K balances, deeds, life insurance policies...etc. You need to know if any of these items have been altered or depleted.

2. If you are married to a spender, review your bank accounts online daily and keep track of all transactions. Go immediately into counseling for yourself and as a couple.

3. Sign up for credit tracker for both you and your spouse. Set up automatic alerts, so that you know if a credit ratings has changed. Remember your credit is linked to his so you need to know what he is doing.

4. If you are in a marriage with someone you do not trust with money, buy everything seperate. Let one person buy the home using his/her salary. Now many may say this is risky...but if you don't trust your husband with money...the last think you want to do is link yourself to an expensive purchase such as a home. If he want to buy a house, let him...and you buy your own and rent it. Trust me..you will need the extra income.

5. Read, Read, Read...about money. Go to the library, seminars. or download podcast about money.

6. If your man has a kid, accept that fact you may have to pay child support or back child support. .

7. If you are ABOUT to get married, run a credit check, review his tax records for the past five years (there may be a hidden kid somewhere) and have a financial pow -wow about how much debt you are both in. Don't start a marriage off with financial secrets.

Ladies...wake up. Many of us are the bread winners...you have to be financial aware in a marriage. You must go into marriage with your eyes wide open and fixed on the finances.

Til Next Time Ladies

The Cook, The Cleaner, and The Sex Goddess

Your Momma never told you that your man will expect you to be the cook, the cleaner, and the sex goddess...on command.

When I first got married, I really enjoyed homemaking. I liked picking out furniture and pillows. I tried new recipes and cooked balanced meals. I cleaned every Saturday morning from 8:00 am - 11:00 am. I just loved that fresh clean smell of Pine Sol or scented candles...and I was always ready to kiss and hug.

Then after 5 years, I realized...I had been conditioned to think that I should love to clean and love to cook...when the truth was...I absolutely hated it. I was tired and I didn't feel sexy. After doing all the work in the house, the last thing I wanted to do was perform a circus act in the bedroom.

I wanted a meal served to me 365 days a year. I would like someone to clear my dishes and wipe my kitchen table after I eat. I realized I may be doing this for 40 or 50 years....serving a man. Is this what I had gone to college for? I approached my then husband about sharing the household chores...and his response...make more money and get a maid. Amazingly, it never dawned on him to cook or clean. He truly believed this was my duty...completely. He viewed his role in the household chores was completely optional...not required.

My point...ladies, if you are raising a little man...start early teaching him to help you with things around the house. So many of us train our little boys to become lazy men by serving them morning, noon, and night. Stop spoiling these little men. Let them know marriage is a partnership and he is going to have to pull his weight to keep his future family together.

Today, women are no longer exhausting themselves with all the household chores,cooking, cleaning, working all day, raising children, trying to look good...enough already. And I can guarantee they won't be ten or twenty years from now either. They are expecting some help and equal treatment...so it is up to you to raise the next generation of men to also be the cook, the cleaner, and the sex god.

A Cause or A Charity

Your Momma never told you...to do what you can to support a cause or a charity.

Ladies...when I turned 35 I had to start getting mammograms because my mother had several battles with breast cancer. Sadly, she had two masectomies during her lifetime. She had a great attitude and never let it the fact she had the two surgeries affect her. She was a great example of perserverence and doing what you have to do each day as a mother and a wife.

After experiencing my first mammogram...I realize two things:

1. A man must have made the mammogram machine because no woman would come up with the idea to smash your breast flatter than a pancake...and then take a picture.

2. A cure for cancer would have been found years ago....if a man's penis was put in a machine and smashed. It would never happen. Just like Viagra...they would have found a cure.

After a few years of suffering through these barbaric procedures...I contacted my niece and told her we have to do something to fight breast cancer. These machines are ridiculous....It is up to us to do our part.

We formed a team called Team Green Light and began to raise money for the Global Race For the Cure...to fight against breast cancer. We did this in honor of my mother...her grandmother...and all the women that have suffered from this disease. Our little team of 3 that initially raised $125 has grown to a team 20 over the years. This year we raised over $7500.00.

Ladies...do your part. Find a cause or charity that interest you and start to do what you can to help. Whether it is fundraising...or volunteering...get involved. You will meet a lot of fun and interesting people and you will be surprised what you can do to help.

Til Next Time Ladies

You Deserve a Sugar Daddy

Your Momma Never Told You …..you deserve a sugar daddy.

My girlfriend and I went to Queenstown outlets to purchase designer purses. When we entered the Kate Spade store…we noticed a woman collecting wads of cash from what appeared to be her man. She circled the store with ease and selected several handbags. As the salesperson collected the handbags, the woman instructed the sales person to get a wallet to match each purse. My girlfriend and I were astonished. First, we each had saved up to purchase one designer handbag. The thought had never occurred to us to get a wallet to match. Second, we had never seen a sugar daddy in person. I mean, we had heard they existed but to watch a man hand CASH to a woman and say get what you want….that was something we had not seen or experienced. It was amazing.

Suddenly, it dawned on me….I need a sugar daddy. Ladies…there is nothing like your man giving you cash or taking you on a shopping spree. It truly is the best gift. I went home and told my man of what I had witnessed. I emphasized how in awe I was of the Sugar Daddy. I asked him…will you be my sugar daddy? He laughed and went on with his day….but I made it clear that I was dead serious. The next week, I came home and found $100 dollars on my pillow…with a note…treat yourself. I jumped in the air and ran straight to the mall. It was my first sugar daddy experience...and there was more to come.

My point, ladies, if you don’t have a sugar daddy, transform your man into one. Men do not like to be compared to another man….so most of the time…they will rise to the occasion. Tell him what you want…be clear…and he may surprise you. Since my first $100, I have received surprise wads of cash on several occasions…and on my birthday…my man got me a Coach handbag….with a wallet to match.

Till Next Time Ladies

You May Be Followed

Your Momma never told you...you may be followed...so be alert.

I work a few blocks from the Baltimore Harbor so one day I decided to go shopping during my lunch break. It was a beautiful summer day....not too hot. A cool breeze from the harbor filled the air as people hussled and bussled about their day. Unfortunately, I didn't find the pair of black stilletto pumps I was looking for so I headed back to the office.

On the way back, a man came up from behind me very close and tripped me. I stumbled and turned around. He excused himself and mumbled something about being in a hurry. I remembered his face because he looked like a very young Chris Tucker..from the movie Rush Hour. I crossed the street and kept on walking. I continued to take in the breeze and the sunshine....completely oblivious to the fact that the "Chris Tucker" look alike was following me. As a matter of fact, as a video tape showed later, he had been following me for quite sometime.

I work in a tightly secured building...well, let me take that back. You must have security badges to enter the elevator area but anyone can walk through the front door. At the time, Emma, a large woman, dressed in a security outfit, was eating her lunch at the security desk. I emphasize she was DRESSED as a security guard but I don't think she was securing much of anything.

As I entered the double doors, "Chris" appeared behind me. Immediately, my long skirt went up in the air and a flash of light filled the door area. I got through the doors and turned around and stared Chris in the eyes.
Now ladies...you know I always have something to say but all I could get out was a whisper..."Did you just take a picture of my ass?" I uttered. Ladies, I think I was in complete shock. I could feel my heart pounding with fear. Meanwhile Emma, looked up from her sandwich and gazed towards me. There was no movement from anyone except "Chris" who ran out of the door and down St. Paul St.

All I felt was total humiliation. Emma put down her Subway meal and said something like "Are you okay?". I did not reply. I quickly accessed the elevator and went upstairs to my desk. I sent an email to my boss advising him I was just a victim of upskirting and I would be not be attending the meeting at 1:00 pm....instead I would be in the women's bathroom hiding from embarrassment and crying.

The police were called...and blah blah blah...long story short...he was never caught. But ladies...I learned several lessons from the experience.

1. Never walk alone. It is a sad day in America when you can't even walk down the street but we can't ladies...you never know who is watching you. To some men...we are just tits and ass...something to be exploited.

2. Learn self defense. What if Chris had thrown me down in an alley? Ladies..as much as I think I would have fought back...my whisper told me...I was not prepared for an attack. I immediately purchased a tape and books on self defense. I educated myself on protection and now carry dog mace...that's right ladies...if a "dog/man" attacks me or takes a picture of my ass (without my knowledge, of course) ...they are going down.

3. There ARE crazies among us. Ladies...know your surroundings. I had on a very conservative outfit that day...cardigan, long skirt, and tennis shoes...and was walking in broad daylight...but still I attracted "Chris Tucker". As I have said in a previous post, sick people are walking the street and they may even look like a movie star. Beware and be alert to what is going on around you at all times...They are out there!!!!!

Till Next Time Ladies...be safe!

Body Shapers are our friend

Your Momma never told you...body shapers are our friends.

Ladies..it does not matter if you are a size 6 or 26, you should own several types of body shapers. Body shapers help your body appear smooth and without wrinkles, cellulite, flab, or panty lines. Yes ladies, you don't have to spend endless hours on the treadmill trying to get smooth. Just wear a body shaper and miraculously, you will smooth out in minutes. Your stomach will appear super flat, your waist will form into an hourglass, and your hips will appear smooth and firm. It really does not matter what size you are...but it does matter if you appear bumpy and lumpy.

And ladies...no matter what size you are...DO NOT put on a tight dress without wearing a form shaping body shaper. You are partaking in risky and dangerous behavior. You never know what bulge, panty line, or thigh dimple will suddenly appear...and once you are out of the house...what can you do to try to hide it...nothing!

Ladies if you want to always have a picture perfect body, I suggest you invest in a few items from the Skinny Bitches line or Slimplicity line of Spanx under your clothes. I am a size 8 and in fairly good shape for my age, and I wear Spanx regularly. Sure, I workout but I don't lose sleep over it...if I skip a day or two or a week. I have a two children, a house, a job, and go to school...I can't do it all ladies....but I can sure look smooth and trim trying.

I regularly get compliments on my figure and I have Spanx Slimplicity Girl Shorts to thank for it. Thanks Spanx!!!!!

Shhhhh! No one has to know.

http://www.spanx.com/home/index.jsp

Till Next Time Ladies

Basic Instincts

Your momma never told you to that you are born with basic instincts...so trust them even if others think you are out of your mind.

When my daughter was nine months old she caught a cold. She was sneezing, coughing, and she had a slight fever. I was holding her in my arms and I suddenly had a feeling that it was more than a cold. I told my ex-husband that I was going to take her to the hospital...I just felt something was not right. My ex-husband said I was over reacting. "She just has a cold. You make a big deal out of everything. She will be fine." I ignored him because the feeling was very strong.

I raced my daughter to the hospital...alone I might add. After a few tests, it was discovered she had pnemonia. My point...women have a major advantage over men because we have impeccable instincts. Ladies...we have to learn our instincts...know what they are telling us...and follow them...no matter what anyone says.

Ladies...how many times has a man lie to you...and you knew it...you had that feeling but you just talked yourself out of it. Maybe you have a girlfriend you just don't trust...but you really can't say why? It is just a feeling.

If you have a feeling something is not right...it isn't. Don't talk yourself out of it...act on it. If you have a feeling someone is not trustworthy...trust the feeling...and get that person out of your life. Don't follow them...or spy on them. Don't wait until they dog you out...and they will at some point because your instincts are never wrong.

Ladies...you don't have to wait for someone to prove your instinct is correct...learn to trust it. It is a gift you have...use it.

Till next time ladies.