R-E-S-P-E-C-T at Work

Your Momma never told you...you will have to command respect.

As a African Amercian woman at work...I am always dealing with some form of ignorance. For example, this is the time of the year for the old "tan match" to occur...you know when some members of a certain group...tries to match a tanned arm to my skin...and then the cringe worth statement comes.."I am almost as dark as you."

I have experienced this form of ignorance in the corporate sector for over 20 summers and I have used the following tactics to deal with the ignorance.... Ignore it, laugh it off, hide in my office for the summer or get angry and start to recount the history of slavery.

Ladies...though these tactics are temporary fixes to deal with the emotions I was feeling...none of the tactics have been successful.

Recently I had a director at work disrespect me again at work....by saying inappropriate statements in jest. It finally dawned on me. I have never had a problem confronting my peers regarding ignorance but high level managers were a different story. I normally used the ignore it tactic with them. But in this case...I realized...I deserve the same respect as anyone in this office regardless of what position I hold therefore, I will confront this behavior.

I decided to not get angry but really feel the real emotion....which was pain and hurt and disrespect. The statement which was "I was pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside" ...came out of nowhere and was completely uncalled for. But ladies...what upset me more than the statement was the lack of respect for me as a human to actually have the nerve to say that out loud to a peer. At least have the decency to say something like that behind my back.Where was the respect? There was none ladies...and that had to change.

So I went into work the following day and approached the director about her behavior. I expressed how disappointed and hurt I was by the inappropriate comment and asked her what triggered such a hurtful insensitive mean statement. Her response was complete embarrassment and run on apology. She said she did not mean it and it was a poor attempt at sarcasm. She continued her apology for several minutes. I closed the meeting by sincerely expressing the hurt she caused and how I deserve respect as a human being and for all the excellent work I produce for our department.

Ladies...I don't know if she got it or not...but my point is...ignoring, hiding, or getting angry about someone's poor behavior does not work. You have to educate people on how their words and behaviors truly effect you. No matter how good you are at work...sadly, there are still some people you have to demand respect from. Educate them on their poor behaviors...don't take it...and move on. So this year...let the tanning begin...I am ready to respond.

Till Next Time Ladies.